motorcyclebloggers.com

Back in the day when I was living in Michigan and trailering bikes down to the Two Wheels Only motorcycle campground in Suches, Georgia, I was issued a ticket from the nicest cop I had ever met. It could have been disastrous had I remembered my ‘line’. Let me explain.

On the drive down with my buddy Rick, we were BS’ing about the cops down there and the southern draw of the accents. Most noteable was the joke that everyone in TN & GA was either wreckin’ (reckon) or fixin’ stuff. The joke being of course the use of the words in every other sentence and us being city folk. Don’t get me wrong, I love the South. I loved and looked forward to the southern hospitality found in those mountain community restaurants. Where else can you hear upon entry into a diner dump “Why donchoo (don’t you) boys come over here and tell big mama what choo want to eat.” Mmmmmmmmm sweet tea. But I digress.

Rick also came up with the idea of how it be funny if one of us got pulled over and answered the question “Got any ID?” with ” ’bout what?” I guess you had to be there or maybe it was the fact that we had been on the road for ten hours, but it was pretty damn funny at the time.

We had a group of about five to six of us from Michigan and we staked out our area at TWO upon arrival. That first night around the campfire, we met some fellas from Tennessee who were on a break from the Army for the weekend. So now our riding group was up to ten or so. I really didn’t like the idea of running with a gorup that big through the twisties, but hey that’s the way it was going to be.

That next morning we headed out of TWO on 60 West and worked our way to the 2 coming into Chatsworth, GA. Its a great road with lots of twisties. I was on my ‘93FZR1000 at the time and paired up with one of the Army guys we had just met. He had strapped a 8mm camcorder to his back seat and was rolling tape (shooting behind him). This guy was mellow and real cool. I was also comfortable with the pack riding since we had paired up and moderately spread out.

This road was an absolute ball with very little traffic until we approached Chatsworth…about five miles out. The road was still twisty and descending out of a mountain so we did not let traffic deter our fun. As pairs, we worked our way through traffic, always trying to keep with the front pair (we were pair #2 in line). Well, we got stuck behind an RV in turns that were too blind for even motorcycles. We lost our target. When we finally managed to get around the RV, not only did we want to catch the guys in front of us, but also gap the guys behind us. It was all for good fireside talk that night.

As we came out of the mountain of the gas, we crested a hill and BAM! there was the front two guys pulled over. We went by them with a fistful of brakes. Guess what. They pulled out and got us too. Lights on, etc. and we pulled off to the side (voluntarily) immediately and were off the bikes with helmets in hand before they even got out of the car.

Getting a ticket by the nicest cop I’ve ever met…stolen from 40on2.blogspot.com

This is how the exchange went (tape rolling mind you):

Cop: Y’boys were goin’ pretty fast through town.
Us: Yeah, we’re not from around here and didn’t know there was a town here.
Cop: We’re not here to scare off motorcycles…(I don’t remember exactly, but something along the line that they appreciated our tourism $$$)
Us: Yeah, we understand.
Cop: Got any ID?

SIDEBAR: At this moment, I could not believe my ears. He delivered the money line verbatim. I caught me by surprise…enough that I forgot my ‘line’. I instantly started biting my tongue and fought a losing battle of trying not to smile. I knew the camera was running. I knew we had this exact conversation less than 24 hours ago. I knew I was supposed to say something funny, regardless of the penalty, to deliver on the joke. I forgot my line. While all this face contortion and deep thought was going on, I realized that I was staring at the cop and about five seconds had passed. So did he. His got that tilt in his head similar to when you ask a dog if he wants a cookie. Realizing this, I spoke…End SIDEBAR

Me: (along with a loud sigh) Yyyyeeeeesssss. I do.

I blew it. I am normally good under pressure and can deliver a well-timed joke / punch line. To this day, some ten years later, I still kick myself in the ass for blowing that one. God knows what would have happened though. I may have lost my composure and gotten in real trouble…but it would have been on tape and I’d be linking to a pretty damn funny mpeg.

As he was looking at our ID, another cop drove by and gave him a nod. That was not good whatever just happened. As we were in our leathers in Georgia in July, we continued:

Cop: Did you see that guy that just drove by?
Us: Yeah.
Cop: That was the sheriff and he’s up for re-election this year. And we’re tough on crime here so I’m going to have to write you a ticket. We had police positioned all over this town because we were sure you were going to run. You wouldn’t have gotten away. You woulda gone to jail. But you boys pulled over. Since you boys pull over and since you’re from Michigan (me) and you’re from Tennessee, we’re not going to come lookin’ for ya if you don’t pay the ticket. You understand what I’m gettin’ at?
Us: Yessir.
Cop: Its really hot. You see that gas station down the way? Why don’t we meet down there so you boys can get in the shade and get something to drink.
Us: Thanks.

I am not kidding you, he told us to get out of the sun and get a cold drink.

We both got a ticket for “Excessive Speed”, a non-specific ticket that carried a fine of $48. All-in-all, I thought we fared well. I found out at the gas station, that in fact the front two riders were literally handing the cops their ID’s when we went smoking by. They said to them “We’re gonna get them instead”. GRRRRRRR!

Although the fine was minor, I blew it off for a while thinking that “the cop told me to”, at least that’s how I rationalized it. I got a friendly reminder in the mail that stated the ticket was unpaid and because of my delinquency, it was now $180. Now I really wasn’t going to pay it. As of 2002, the statute of limitations will allow me to go back into Murray County Georgia once again. It was a long wait, and a nervous one at time when I was cooking through the GA mountains.

The only loss was for my 2024 presidential bid. I could see Dan Rather breaking that story of not showing up for my…you get the point.